Ok, off the soap box. I have about 2-dozen sticky notes, along with random things jotted in every notebook I own, of cute things Audrey says that just make me laugh outloud in pure delight So here are 3 of the latest "Audreyisms", those happy moments in my life that make me smile:
1) I was at the table working on my homework, and Audrey was hanging around me with. She saw a spider under the table, and I said, "Get a shoe and kill it!" So after a really cute 2 or 3 minutes of her hiding out and trying to catch it, she got it. I said, "Good! Now go get a Kleenex and pick it up and throw it away." She gets the Kleenex and comes back. As she gets back under the table to pick it up, she says, "Ooooh, now it's just a smudge!" Cute.
2) Direct quote from dinner last night (eating the bowl of Mac & Cheese I'd made her since she didn't want sesame chicken), very matter-of-factly: "Um, I need something else to go with my Mac & Cheese, and that involves chocolate milk."
3) So I went shopping with my friend, Kansas, the other night. In Belk, we found a shoe clearance sale--the kind I never have the patience or desire for, but that my more shopping-crazy friend is crazy about. The kind with tables piled high with shoebox madness and crazed shoe vampires (women) surround them. So I'm sorting through piles of shoes that I'll never buy or care about. I find a pair of shiny black peak-toe shoes and try them on to show Kansas.
And they were hot.
I fell in love with them. Like I've never fallen in love with shoes before. And I'd just tried on the most perfect LBD (Little Black Dress) that I was trying to convince myself not to buy. And they'd go PERFECT with it.
I look at the price written on the box: $81.99. Surely that couldn't be the clearance price. The clearance sale was for 50-75% off. If these puppies were 75% off, I could totally justify spending $20 on a pair of shoes that hot. If they were $40...that'd be stretching it.
I take the shoes up to the counter and ask for a price. Yeah, that's the CLEARANCE price. Original price: $165.
Dude. Seriously? They're shoes.
But they're HOT shoes.
Next morning at breakfast, I'm sitting across the table from Audrey eating Captain Crunch (hey, it's spring break!) and telling Kellie about my shopping excursion from the night before. Here's how it went:
Lori: I found the hot-HOT-HOTTEST shoes at Belk.
Audrey: How hot were they?
Hmmm....I stopped to ponder how to say this. I didn't think my sister would want me to teach my niece words like "beyond sexy" or something like that, so...
Lori: Like, 120 degrees hot!
Audrey: (making an "eww!" face) Ewwwgh! (that's her squealing sound for either disgust or disbelief)
