Venting on a Theme of Dating

I just don't get this whole dating thing. I thought that by the time I was 26, I might have at least started to figure it out.

Or that other people would have. Of the male gender.

Apparently I'm still way off.

One of my favorite quotes is by Meg in Disney's Hercules. She says, "Well, you know how men are: they think 'no' means 'yes' and 'get lost' means 'Take me, I'm yours!'".

Add to it that "Yes" means "I'll text you in a month or so" and "I want you, I need you, oh baby, oh baby" means "Abandon ship".

Seriously, guys? I'm done with the following:

-Games
-Laziness
-Bachelors that are too comfortable in their own lives and would rather sit at home and read books or watch TV than hang out with a cute girl
-Self-centeredness
-Playing "the game"
-No communication
-Laziness again
-Games
-Players
-Guys over the age of 25 not having the guts to ask you out when they're interested in you
-Guys over the age of 25 not having the guys to ask you out again
-Not following "green light" signs
-Having to walk on eggshells in new dating relationships
-"Never supressing a generous thought" being null and void because guys might call you "forward" or pushy
-Did I mention games yet?
-Men

And no, I'm not bitter.

Why I Teach

I'm starting a unit on composers with my 6th grade "Intro to Music" class. I decided to show them August Rush for many reasons that would make a boring blog post.

As a teacher, you always have a handful of students that just somehow win your heart and you have a special connection with and would give your life to help them succeed and be happy. I have 250 of them. Ok, yes, but I do have a handful (a large one...maybe 2 dozen...I guess I have big hands or something) that I feel a special interest in and love for. One of them is a hispanic boy. He must come from a decent familiy, but obviously not as priviledged as I was growing up. He has a lot of energy but is a really sweet kid. I didn't expect him to really be excited about music based on what I'd seen from him, but he just started coming alive once we started our piano unit.

As we finished the movie yesterday in class and got to the big, dramatic climax (so watch it, it's GOOD), he said outloud to the whole class, "I'm gonna cry!" And he did tear up, along with his sidekick, another kid in my oversized "handful". It was cute.

The movie finished, we discussed some things, and then I dismissed them. I watched them go. He was the last one out of the class, but when he was almost to the door, he suddenly turned around, come running back to me across the room, gave me a huge hug right around my waist, and said very sincerely with all of his heart, "Thank you for showing us that movie!" He then turned and ran out of my room.

That's why I teach.

Nasty Habits I've Picked Up from Running

(NOTE: PLEASE READ BEFORE CONTINUING: Disclaimer: This post is not for the weak of stomach. Or for those who don’t already know me well and REALLY love me. Because if you don’t already know and love me and you read this, you’ll never have any desire to meet me. So do me and yourself a favor and read my other posts first. And then maybe, maybe come back to this one—after you know and love me.)

I’ve said it before, and I stick by it: Runners are odd creatures. There are certain things that are acceptable, necessary, or even “cool” when you’re running. Sometimes it’s hard to remember that, when not running out on the trail, these things aren’t exactly “kosher” in society. A few examples from my personal experiences:

1. The “Farmer’s Blow”
Also known as the “Snot Rocket” or “Alabama Hanky”. (I was informed of the latter name by a really cute guy in Alabama when I was out running with him on a semi-date. I may have had a cold and may have instinctively used said Hanky...and I wonder why things didn’t work out with him…) If you’re not familiar with it, it’s a disgustingly practical and effective invention. You simply plug one nostril with your thumb, turn your head over your opposite shoulder, close your mouth, and blow. It works like magic.
(It takes a little bit of practice, but with hard work and determination, it can be a very trusty friend in times of need. Try it! No, really!)

However, I find that I’ve gotten a little too reliant on it and have to watch myself when I’m not out running. I was walking from my car into the grocery store the other day and needed to blow my nose. So what did I do? I plugged one nostril with my thumb, turned my head over the opposite shoulder, closed my mouth, took and deep breath, and…

GROSS! I caught myself just in time. Who DOES that in public?!

Other words of caution: You have to be careful and very aware of your surroundings when doing this. Make sure you’re blowing downwind, or it’s just not worth it. And you have to be strategic about it in races—not strategic as in waiting until your competitor is right behind you and aiming over whatever shoulder they’re drafting off of; I mean strategic by NOT doing it when someone is behind or beside you. Oh, and be careful of treadmills. On the rare occasion I’m forced to resort to them, I usually have to catch myself at least once so I don’t ‘snot rocket’ all over the carpet of my apartment complex’s fitness room. Sick.

2. Gloves are great—they also keep your hands warm!

When I first got started running more seriously, it was wintertime. On a splurge, I invested in a pair of hoity-toity running gloves at a hoity-toity price. But they are oh-so-worth it.

The best part is the soft, fuzzy covering that runs down the back of the thumb and all along the lower part of the back of the hand. What’s that for? Wiping your nose, naturally. No, I’m serious, that’s what it’s for. (People get paid big money to design snot-wiping parts of gloves—and I teach middle school for pocket change. Life is so fair.) I love this fuzzy part, though, because it reduces the need for Farmer’s Blows—or just makes clean-up after them more efficient and less gross.

But on one (or more) occasion(s) I was walking from my school building across the parking lot to my little Trailer Park (i.e. classroom) on a cold day. I had on my sweet, 100% wool, very nice “Handie” Salzburg gloves. My nose was running, so I lift my hand up to my face to wipe the snot all over my gloves and…

GROSS! I stop myself just in time. Not all gloves were meant to be snot rags!

3. “Bathroom” is not so much defined by what it is as by what is successfully accomplished there

You’ve hopefully read the post about Colorado Runners and all-natural bathrooms. I’ve gotten more comfortable with the organic, all-natural granola side of me, including finding a restroom whenever I need one on the trail.

But sometimes I forget that not everything is like a 20-mile trail run.

I was out on a “hike” with a friend—meaning a 15-minute climb up Ensign Peak in Salt Lake City, Utah. Partway up the hill, I realized I needed to go to the bathroom. My natural reaction when I’m out on the trail running is, “Ok, let’s get this done now, because it’s not gonna get any better over the next 18 miles—and there’s no way you are gonna make it that far unless you do something about it!” So my natural thought process was, “Ok, go find a little grove of trees, Depew.” Not a big deal. I even started telling my friend I was going to go do that until I remembered—Dude, this is only a 15-minute hike! You can hold it!

Sick. I felt like a boy. Gross.

4. Despite the great chagrin you will all feel at reading this, I choose not to elaborate on the gastro-intestinal activities that runners experience. I still have some social inhibitions, thank you. Well, at least I do when I’m not out on the trail, all by my lonesome, with no eyes, ears, or…noses…for at least a 3 mile radius. ;)

And on those lovely notes…

Anyone up for a run?

100% all-natural, organic Colorado Runners

(Ok, this one had my family crying in laughter at dinner one night at Johnny Carino’s, I’m attempting to retell it just the way I did then. It’s kind of an awkward story. But it was kind of an awkward experience. I guess I’m just kind of an awkward girl.)

Training for a marathon is quite an experience. I’ve learned things and experienced things I never knew existed.

I decided I wanted to run a half-marathon race before my actual marathon. I actually did it rather earlier on in my training than most programs suggest, but I was ready and it was a beautiful race I couldn’t pass up. It was called the “Autumn Colors Run”. It was in Buena Vista, Colorado on September 19th, right at the peak of the aspen trees turning colors in the Colorado Rockies—one of my favorite phenomena and times of year. They bus you up to the starting line way up in the mountains—9500 ft. elevation. You end at 8000 ft. elevation. Most of the course was downhill (and I kicked butt on the few uphills—I LOVE training in Colorado Springs, where it’s rare to find a flat area longer than 50 meters). The first 6 miles or so are running on trails through the mountain forests, with splashes of brilliant scarlet, gold, and bright yellow flash right by you in the surrounding forests as you power downhill. Once you emerge from the mountains, you run through the valleys, with a 360 degree view of breathtaking Colorado mountains, painted with patches of the same vibrant hues. It’s beautiful. And a freakin’ fast course. I loved it.

But I’m getting carried away. Let’s back up to the starting line. Where was I? Oh, yeah--You learn a lot about your body while training for a marathon. I’m still figuring out how it works for those 26.2 body-pounding miles. But it’s a good system, and once you figure it out, it’s pretty predictable. I’ve learned that I have to hydrate a LOT for several hours before I run. I’ve also learned, from sore experience, that as a result of said hydration, I MUST find a bathroom right before I start. If not, there will be an “emergency” (cue “Animaniacs”) somewhere between miles 3 and 10. But it has to be right before I start—you go too far beforehand, and you’ll need to go again before mile 6.

I knew there would be port-a-potties at the starting line, so I loaded bus 4 of 5 and headed the 13.1 miles up the canyon. I got to the top and jogged over to the port-a-potty line. It was LONG. I expected the line to go quickly. But I kept watching the time, and the minutes were ticking down faster than the line was. One by one, I saw people peel out of the line. I thought, “I’m jealous! I wish I could just say, ‘Nah, I can wait, I’ll go at the next rest stop—in 13.1 miles.’” Until I realized they were doing nothing of the sort. One by one, they wandered up the hill a short distance until they were hidden in the trees…well, mostly hidden. A minute or two later, they’d come down the hill and take their place at the pack at the starting line.

“Oh no, I don’t want to do that! PLEASE hurry up!” I groaned inwardly. Through my “learning experiences” in training, I’ve discovered that it’s MUCH easier for a man to use nature’s restroom than a woman. Let’s just say that I haven’t quite “mastered the skill” yet. But it was getting closer and closer to starting time, and the line was still far too long. The 2 girls behind me decided to give in and climbed the hill. I was banking on pure faith that enough people would give up, give in, and climb the hill, shortening the line enough for me to make it there just before the starting gun went off.

About 4 minutes to “Go time” (no pun intended), I realized my hope was in vain. I begrudgingly climbed the hill, trying to hurriedly come up with a better “plan of attack” on how to best accomplish this mountain-woman task I have not yet mastered without publicly embarrassing myself afterwards.

But Colorado’s a funny place. And runners are funny people. And when you put the two together…well, just keep reading.

As I walk up the hill, I see people dotting the hillside, “hidden behind trees”. Now, when I say hidden, we’re talking about runners and aspen trees and lodgepole pines here. Think the old Disney movies, when there’s always a tall, skinny villain and a short, fat one, and the short, fat one “hides” behind a lamp post---but his rear end and stomach are both sticking out, completely defeating the purpose of “hiding” behind anything. Not that runners have large rears or bellies to stick out, but it has the same effect, these runners “hiding” behind skinny tree trunks to take care of business.

It would have been really awkward if it didn’t just hit my funny bone and make me want to bust out laughing. But out of respect for the people busy at work, I held it in and just smiled real big.

To my left there was someone about 20 feet away. Keep your eyes straight ahead, Depew. Nope, there was someone straight ahead about 30 feet. Keep your eyes to the ground and veer right.

You know when you really have to go, but you’re still minutes from a bathroom, and then someone turns the faucet on or starts singing, “Don’t go chasing waterfalls…”? I was about there. The forest was filled with the “sounds of nature”. I sped up my hike farther up the hill. I certain didn’t want to be “hanging out” around an aspen trunk like a fat Disney villain for all these experienced all-natural mountain men and women to see my "lack of skills".

I heard the 2 girls I’d been standing in line with a few trees away, chatting as they “hid” behind their respective trees. (I think it’s weird enough that girls talk while they’re going to the bathroom in separate stalls, much less when the stalls are completely missing!)

Seriously, it was a funny sight. I took my eyes off the ground for a few seconds, long enough to look around and see probably 2 or 3 dozen people within easy hearing- and seeing-distance just standing or squatting and doing their business. I smiled and thought, “Now THIS is 100% all-natural, organic Colorado runners.”

Thanks to the 2 or 3 dozen mini-lessons around me, I successfully accomplished my task and raced back down to the finish line before the gun went off. No public embarrassment or anything. Put that down as another one of my life’s lessons I’ve learned through running. I felt pretty darn “Colorado”, and pretty darn “runner”.